i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
