so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I forget how to act sober
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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