she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The best revenge is premature balding
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
