idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
