Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
