Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
