some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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