VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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