she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
