I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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