Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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