he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
