dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize