My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
