I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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