The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize