i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize