After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize