Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize