I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
