He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
