Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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