did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
