um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
