If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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