Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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