We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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