I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize