oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
