why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
