South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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