worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My pussy is not your playground.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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