you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize