Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
