He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
