I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
