dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
