He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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