WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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