ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
