my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
ttyl tear gas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't want my vagina anymore.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
