You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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