I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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