So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
