They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
