I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When are your genitals available?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize