i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
