Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
