eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
