I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
