the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
