She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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