I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
