don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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