Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
