When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
