why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
