New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
