I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
