I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
