Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
