my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
