There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
