dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize