She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
