i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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