I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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