We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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