Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
