we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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