So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
