So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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