my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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