I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize