Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
