we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
