At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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