I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
