Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
