i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I love you. Go after that dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
