I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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