You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
