Got a toothbrush?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
