your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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