You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
