Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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