Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
